Grieving and closeness to the Lord...

Grief, yes it makes me feel like an emotional mess. One moment I am fine, totally fine. Then the next a thought, song, .... nothing,  will trigger something and I'm a crying mess. There is no rhyme or reason for it. I have discovered something very sweet in the midst of this. There is this level of closeness, supernatural care and peace that I have experienced from God that I just never have come close to experiencing before. It is awesome. The way that He has carried me, because at times I have needed it, has been very powerful for me. I feel so changed inside. Not outside, look at me and you will see the same Jenn you saw a week ago. But inside, inside there is a different girl in there. A wounded girl that did not exist before. But because of that wound I have a new reality of Jesus, a new understanding of Him, and that is a gift. I have a connection with heaven like I have never had before. A new very real reason to look forward to getting there. So while I would much rather have my baby growing in my belly and life to be as it was planned a week ago, I'm not sure I would ever wish to not know how very real His care is, and how very real His promise is that he loves and takes care of His children. Thankful for the Lord, that in times of such disrepair  he holds us and mends our heart and just let's us cry.