Loss.

Wow. This is something that I have gone over in my mind many times but never would have guessed that I would be the one writing these words. But here I am writing these words. Funny how that happens. Death has actually never been a huge part of my life. All of my grandparents whom I knew growing up are still alive and really I have not had a lot of experience in that area. I always felt like maybe I wouldn't be cut out for grieving a loss like that. Well turns out no one is. Wednesday morning we began what seemed like the longest ride ever (today is Sunday) that began the loss of our precious 6th pregnancy. I still have to go to the Dr.s to make sure everything is going down like it should be. How crazy is that? They need to make sure my body has eliminated all things pregnancy that it just took 8 weeks for build. Seems so wrong. That five days ago I was happily pregnant, with dreams of this baby in my head and heart. Who they would be, how their age would fit into our family, boy/girl??, how pregnant I would be on vacation this year, where they would sit at our dining room table, ugh so many dreams. Every night we prayed or the family at dinner and for the new baby growing in my belly. Now instead it's prayers for healing and understanding. Now instead there are no more dreams of that life to be had. That is hard. And it has nothing to do with being thankful for what we have, because that is an entire post in itself because we could not be more aware than we are today of our blessings. But we don't collect children, they are each a special, individual gift to us. So this loss is just that, a loss of a special, individual gift. And that makes us sad.........