Trust

So my blog has been less than kept up :) It's so easy to download pics on Facebook I have found myself doing that a ton more. But I've missed the words of this blog. I've always been a writer, for as long as I can remember. And so I'm back :) And excited to be writing more again. I've missed it!

So Kyle and I have been on a huge trust journey together recently. Not trust in each other but trust in God. That sounds so crazy because honestly why in the world would I not trust Him. If you look at my life it is filled to the brim with the handy work of God Himself. But I always find myself second guessing where He is calling me to be. And then, if I'm being honest, not listening, if in fact He is saying something I don't want to hear.

Well for a long time Kyle and I (since Sidney was born) well mostly I, thought that I could control when we would have our next baby. I felt a deep since of unrest and no peace in that decision, but I kept holding firm that that is what I wanted. Because I wanted to loose weight, because I wanted some time for me, because I wanted Callie to be 3 before I moved the girls in together, because I enjoy my sleep right now, hmmmmm that sure is a lot of I's. Thank the Lord for my sweet husband. Very kindly, very sweetly, he told me that there was no peace in our fake control over this at all. That he didn't really think it was right and thought we should reconsider our outlook on our family. There, he said it. What I had been feeling deep inside for over a year came out of my precious husbands mouth. If we indeed believe that children are a gift form God, that He is in control, knows what is best for us and gives us everything we could possibly need why in the world was I trying to tell Him what worked for me. No wonder there was no peace in that attitude. So together we obeyed what we both knew God had been telling us for quite some time. And oh the peace! I can't even decide the weight that was lifted when I put God back in the place He belonged. We truly just want what He has planned for our life, and it feels so good to be able to tell people "we just don't know" when ask about our family's future. Trust is a hard hard thing. It takes dieing to self, moment by moment, and it's something I think I will struggle with until I'm called home. But oh the joy of the times when you do just give it all up to Him!